Who are we to say his entire life is a lie because he has the capacity to have sex with a man once?" He feels totally at home in straight culture. He knows there are gay and bisexual identities, but he has no interest in either of those. "That could be what's going on, or he could be a straight guy.
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that would be painting with too broad a brush," she told Mic over the phone last week. "To say that any man who switches his Tinder profile over to get head from a guy is just covering up his gayness. These are complicated questions. While many of us may be quick to label men like Benjamin as something other than straight, Jane Ward, Not Gay's author and a gender and sexuality studies professor at the University of California, Riverside, argues that heterosexuality is a label that could very well include homosexual contact. What if Benjamin and the other "closeted" guys I'd been with weren't closeted at all? What if not all men who hook up with other men are gay or bisexual? Just come the fuck out already, I'd always think.īut lately, thanks to a flurry of coverage surrounding a controversial new book titled Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men, I've been questioning my initial assumptions. I'd been there, done that (and them) and always ended up resenting them for enjoying the pleasures of gay sex while not owning up to the rest of the gay package. I had already learned by then to avoid getting with closeted guys. He said he'd consider it. A few messages later, he proposed a dick pic exchange.Īs fun as it was to flirt with Benjamin, I wasn't seriously considering hooking up with him. I jokingly told him I'd only S his D if he'd reciprocate. The fact that Benjamin started inquiring about blowjobs so quickly after declaring his absolute straightness was a little jarring, but I went with it anyway. Our match was probably just a result of his "aggressive" swiping tendencies, he added. He dropped the charming line just five minutes after explaining to me that "oops," he wasn't gay, the app must have fucked up and popped me, a male, into his feed by accident.
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This was the question Benjamin* asked me when I matched with him last summer on Tinder.